Will Preston

Tag: Football

Patriotism in Football

by on Jun.13, 2010, under Opinion

World Cup 2010

People wear flags just in case they get lost so they can be posted back to their country of origin. Rooney needs extra reminding.

Coming every four years like a comet made of chanting and disappointment, the World Cup football tournament extravaganza (Turbo edition) is finally here again to prove that 1966 will NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN. I’m not particularly bothered about this obviously clear fact as I’m one of the five people in the country who couldn’t give more than two mundane shits about what looks to be the worlds biggest drinking game (You drink when nothing;’s happening, which for me is 85 minutes of the match).

I’ve tried on many occasions to enjoy football, but I just can’t enjoy what essentially is overpaid product models indulging in a game that’s too vanilla. Too ready salted. Two sugars and milk. It’s bog standard gaming that could use some explosions or gunfire to liven things up. Tradition is an aspect I’m not concerned with, obviously. And it’s not just the game itself that puts me off; a lot of the hardened fans tickle my repulse gland with grace.

Why does it matter whether people from YOUR country win the cup? Will it solve economic problems? Will cancer be cured? Or as soon as that bekicked ball bounces into the box will Jesus himself raise from the centre of the field (wearing a football as a halo, obviously) and save the teams country from the impending biblical flooding that scientist simply refer to as ‘Global Warming’?

Believe me, should that be the case, You’ll find me at the front covered in red and white body paint and screaming for the English team so hard that I’ll start to sound, and look, like a swan that swallowed a nail bomb. But even then I’ll be yawning every ten minutes.

Patriotism in a sport is something I can never understand. War, yes. Sunday kick-about, no. Even our own players are starting to lose passion for it – we drew to USA. They don’t need a world cup. Should they win it they would squint at it from a high angle before going ‘Nah, we got a bigger one at home’. In a monotonous and deflated tone because they probably don’t even have their own world cup song.

And that’s another abomination for anyone with ears: football songs. I don’t mean the chanting. I’m not talking about ‘You’re not singing any more (in B Major)’, more along the lines of ‘Footballs Coming Home’, a song that gets more sarcastic every time someone brushes the play button and will always be the theme tune for morons. Seriously though, a high produced song dedicated to football? It’s like writing a ballad about stamp collecting essentially.

Actually that would be more interesting to hear. First one to write a song about stamp collecting and sends it into will@takeheednow.com wins a sausage! And an English one at that. No use restricting patriotism to just football.

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