Will Preston

Are they really going to get away with this?

by on Jul.14, 2010, under First Look

Six tired faces and one redesigned beyond comprehension

One day I summed up everything about the Eighties in a six word phrase: “Really?! They got away with that?!” This can be used on practically every aspect. Margaret Thatcher in power? Really?! They got away with that?! Pastel coloured trousers with loafers but with no socks? Really?! They got away with that?! Rambo III? Really?! They got away with that?! Next time you look at something that came from the Eighties, whether it be the music, cinema, politics, or, especially, fashion, you’ll be using that magical phrase which sums up a pretty ridiculous chapter on Western civilization.

Those of you who know me personally for more than a month have known my past extreme love for the Eighties. If you need proof, look on my Facebook account and laugh at the collage of leather trousers, hair sprayed hair and ripped t shirts. Please refrain from laughing or recoiling in disgust.

Actually it’s probably best you do that to discourage this behaviour again.

During this ridiculous excursion, I listened heavily to a popular band amongst the metal crowd; Iron Maiden. From the name alone, they sound pretty metal. But that was then of course and this is now. And by then I mean the Eighties and by now I mean five minutes ago (at time of writing mind).

By the time you are reading this, you have probably listened to the new iron maiden single and watching the new video for a further different song from the unneeded fifteenth studio album. What did you think though? Were you counting away the half arsed film references like I was? It was either that or listening to the dried up coring chug-fest they referred to as the song.

As song writing goes, they’ve been on a toboggan ride downwards since 2003 and have now skidded into an icy abyss of bland structures and clichéd lyrics. There’s quite a bit to shake your fist at so we’ll handle this one at a time. Lets go with what’s going on in the video first to ease the ears in preparation. It’s set in space. There’s a space ship with a dashing pilot. Then there’s a space battle and the rest pretty much goes down the Sci Fi action route. And not a good one either.

It’s like a rushed video game version of a film that no one cares about.

Oh, and Eddy pops up, but it isn’t really Eddie. It’s an Imp from Doom 3 with a crap Eddie mask on. Quite frankly, the protagonist (yes, there’s a simple pursuit story going on) is a twat for calling him Eddie. Eddie is a symbol of how silly and theatrical heavy metal was in the Eighties (Really?! They got away with that?!).

Not only does Eddie look crap, but he moves crap.

The end scene of The Terminator comes to mind in terms of jerky animation for a film monster (Really?! They got away with that?! – OK I’LL STOP NOW!). They could have saved money and just hired the Imp from Doom 3. That game was far more metal than the last three Iron Maiden albums.

To sum up, why bother paying what looks like too much money to film a dull video? Just video the band live on tour. That is where they shine. And the actual song? I could replicate a rough version of it by going “dun dun dun dun dun” over and over again for four minutes. A blundering balls up that would have been considered generic and tired fifteen years ago.

The other song that was released publicly from the upcoming album was El Dorado. Now this one seemed ok on first listen, but quickly deflated into a turgid mash of amateur riffing and muddy sounds. Far cry from the Eighties era Iron Maiden who were just liquid awesome.

Now all we are left with are a collection of musical washouts who should have joined the greatest hits touring direction instead of trying to viciously flog a particularly dead horse. A dead horse that suddenly rises from the dead to view the new Iron Maiden music video to drop dead a second time from disappointment, but not before yelling out in a clear English voice “ Really?! They got away with that?!”

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